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LETTUCE

First, I'm going to collect all the stems, over a period of time. Then I'll weigh them all and do an average of how much a bag of salad weighs. Then I'll figure out what percentage of the average bag of salad is stem, what percentage of the price that equals, and we'll start a clas

LETTUCE
First, I'm going to collect all the stems, over a period of time. Then I'll weigh them all and do an average of how much a bag of salad weighs. Then I'll figure out what percentage of the average bag of salad is stem, what percentage of the price that equals, and we'll start a class action lawsuit for the lifetime monetary damages caused by stem fraud in salad mixes. Also idk if y'all know this, but do NOT put those nut mixes on your salad. The nuts are rancid 95% of the time. There is nothing worse than a rancid nut.
Panel 1: Foxwolf stands in front of a background of flashing emergency lights. Television advertisement graphics above her say “FOXWOLF, FOXWOLF, & FOXWOLF PERSONAL INJURY ATTORNEY.” Below her, it say “CALL NOW!” within an arrow pointing to the phone number at the bottom of the screen: 1-244-244-2625. There is a suspiciously phallic QR code below text saying, “FREE CONSULTATION! SCAN QR CODE BELOW.” Foxwolf begins her advertising pitch: “STOP! Has this ever happened to you?”
Panel 2: A woman stands holding a bag labeled “SLD” over a kitchen countertop. She smiles pleasantly and says to herself, “It’s so nice they make these pre-made salads.” “Sometimes I just need a quick healthy meal.”
Panel 3: The woman dumps the contents of the SLD bag into a large bowl as the cellophane packaging crinkles in her hands.
Panel 4: A closer look at the bowl reveals the SLD: just various, inedible stems and some packets. One packet is labeled “ROTTEN NUTZ” and the other, “Humming Bird Nectar VINEGRETTE.” “What the fuck??” The woman says from off screen.
Panel 5: The Foxwolf and the overlaid graphics suddenly appear behind the woman in her kitchen. The woman turns around and screeches, “EEP!” “DON’T get stuck up by stems,” Foxwolf says as she continues her pitch. “YOU may be entitled to financial compensation.”
Panel 6: “Is that true?” The woman narrows her eyes at Foxwolf. Foxwolf frowns and lowers her head. “No…”

LETTUCE - PAINTED DOGGIE COMIC

Panel 1: Foxwolf stands in front of a background of flashing emergency lights. Television advertisement graphics above her say “FOXWOLF, FOXWOLF, & FOXWOLF PERSONAL INJURY ATTORNEY.” Below her, it say “CALL NOW!” within an arrow pointing to the phone number at the bottom of the screen: 1-244-244-2625. There is a suspiciously phallic QR code below text saying, “FREE CONSULTATION! SCAN QR CODE BELOW.” Foxwolf begins her advertising pitch: “STOP! Has this ever happened to you?”

Panel 2: A woman stands holding a bag labeled “SLD” over a kitchen countertop. She smiles pleasantly and says to herself, “It’s so nice they make these pre-made salads.” “Sometimes I just need a quick healthy meal.”

Panel 3: The woman dumps the contents of the SLD bag into a large bowl as the cellophane packaging crinkles in her hands.

Panel 4: A closer look at the bowl reveals the SLD: just various, inedible stems and some packets. One packet is labeled “ROTTEN NUTZ” and the other, “Humming Bird Nectar VINEGRETTE.” “What the fuck??” The woman says from off screen.

Panel 5: The Foxwolf and the overlaid graphics suddenly appear behind the woman in her kitchen. The woman turns around and screeches, “EEP!” “DON’T get stuck up by stems,” Foxwolf says as she continues her pitch. “YOU may be entitled to financial compensation.”

Panel 6:

“Is that true?” The woman narrows her eyes at Foxwolf. Foxwolf frowns and lowers her head. “No…”